Did you know that the sandwich’s supposed inventor was John Montagu, the fourth earl of sandwich? If John knew the extent to which sandwiches have progressed since he died in 1792, or even how we’ve expanded the use of the term beyond its culinary applications, he might be quite impressed by his legacy.
When it comes to caregiving responsibilities, more people than ever find themselves sandwiched between providing care for their parents and providing care for their kids. People in the category are referred to as being in the “sandwich generation.” Being the all-important innards of a sandwich can be gratifying, but can be taxing too.
How many people are in the sandwich generation?
The cost of tuition for colleges had vastly outpaced inflation in the last thirty years, and students compensated with more loans, which for many meant relying on their parents for support a bit longer than previous generations. At the same time, longevity increased, so seniors live longer and sometimes require additional care. The Pew Research Center recently did a survey which found that nearly a quarter of U.S. adults were providing care in the year prior to an aging adult above 65 and an adult child or child under 18 at the same time. This applied to over 50% of those adults in their 40s!
Some might even find themselves in a “Club Sandwich,” which refers to them providing three generations support: grandchildren, children, and parents. The survey suggests that those who are in the Sandwich Generation are more likely to be very satisfied with their family life; however, it’s not an insignificant amount of extra work being taken on. The financial burden also comes at a time when they also need to be saving for retirement.
Understanding that there is a community of those going through similar situations and things to be on the lookout for can be helpful.
Becoming a caregiver for our aging parents
One might be in the category of the Sandwich Generation already, and just not realize it. Many caregivers do not self-identify as caregivers as they slowly take on more and more of the tasks that the senior performed themselves.
They say not to meet your heroes, but it’s just as hard when your parents are your heroes and their age-related decline means they can’t do the things they once did routinely. As you continue to look up to them, you may not classify the help you give as help. However, you don’t want to be caught by surprise when a big change is needed because of balance or mobility issues. By recognizing that the transition has begun where more care is needed, plans can be put in place that could preserve independent or assisted living and the comfort of the parent longer. Everyone wants to stay in their homes as long as possible, and some steps can be taken to make that happen, such as retrofitting the home, but in many cases that won’t be possible indefinitely.
If you start thinking of yourself as a caregiver earlier, it may also be easier to compile financial and health records. You may end up needing to have a power of attorney to take over some decisions, and should a parent become afflicted with Alzheimer’s or dementia, it can be much harder to find where all their accounts are and how to access them. Similarly, finding out the passwords for digital accounts early can be crucial.
Caregivers need to be care receivers sometimes too
Being a caregiver can be a joyous fulfilling experience. In fact, some studies show that they have improved health, and some people recovering from serious illnesses are recommended to get a pet if they aren’t a caregiver already. Conversely, it can also be overwhelming, comes with financial burdens, and stress can pile up. The AARP released an article for the sandwich generation pointing to wellness retreats, or five spots for a vacation to unravel some of that stress.
Help can come in many forms, not just from others in the family. Many cities and communities offer professional advice, support groups, and free resources for family caregivers.
One way to delegate caregiving responsibilities
Although you may want to take over all the caregiver responsibilities yourself, it isn’t inappropriate to hire help. It can be very unsettling to seniors to suddenly need help in areas they were previously doing for themselves throughout their lives, and feel very hard to pay for such care. They may not want to ask for it. Changing this mentality in smaller steps earlier on can both prevent you from being overwhelmed and your parent from feeling guilt at being a burden (though you may not think of them that way).
A care management agency is generally a company that specializes in understanding what Medicaid and other social programs cover, and options and services related to aging, such as food, housing, rehabilitation, and legal issues. By choosing a care agency, you can be more confident that there will be someone to step in immediately in the case of need.
Depending on how much you’d like to delegate, you could have a fiduciary provide oversight of the care agency as well. In fact, Garden State Trust Company acting as a corporate fiduciary works in conjunction with care management agencies and others on behalf of clients with our Lifecare services. This allows us to act as the concierge to many additional services to enhance our client’s aging experience such as:
- Arranging for Long-Term Care Insurance when appropriate
- Arranging for Medical Reimbursement
- Arranging and monitoring In-Home Care
- Arranging for Independent or Assisted Living Alternatives
- Arranging and help with the sale of a home when moving into an Independent or Assisted Living alternative
Some steps can require advance planning as facilities may not have an immediate opening. The increasing cost of health-care as we age is substantial, but if the parent is younger they may be able to get long-term care insurance to ensure financial resources are available to cover those costs.
Should the parent be more affluent, setting up a living trust might be appropriate. Should they become incapacitated, the caregiver can focus on providing emotional support since the trust will provide continued management of the finances. If you’d like more information, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our team.
